linda pacitti, producer.

INT. PRIVATE OFFICE - DAY

We see shots of things all around a tidy, well-appointed office. The door reads LINDA PACITTI, PRODUCER. At the desk, behind a crisp Apple MacBook and a crisp Starbucks coffee is LINDA herself (late 30s, early 40s). She's statuesque and gorgeous. The kind of woman you think twice about even considering as the same species. She taps out some stuff on the MacBook. She sips from her coffee. She talks into her desk phone.

LINDA

Gordon, send her in now.

GORDON (20s), a nerdy guy with glasses, enters and shows in CONNIE (20s), a tatted-out artsy chick.

LINDA

Connie, nice to see you. Have a seat.

They shake hands as Connie sits down.

LINDA

Are you hungry? I was just about to have something.

CONNIE

Sure.

LINDA

Gordon, can you bring the little sandwiches?

(to Connie)

These are great.

As Linda continues talking, Gordon hesitates, then exits.

LINDA

So, for starters, we love your script, and we were wondering what your plans were for it.

CONNIE

Well, I wrote it for myself to direct.

LINDA

Good. Tech romance is really hot now, and what's great about this one is it can be done on such a low budget, and I'd like to produce it with you.

CONNIE

Locally?

LINDA

You bet.

CONNIE

Okay, well I was thinking about that, because I was thinking I have a shot at getting it made in Los Angeles.

LINDA

Okay. I would consider that carefully, because it used to be that Los Angeles was the only place for a picture like this, but not anymore.

CONNIE

Yeah, but what's Orlando?

LINDA

Orlando is the Hollywood of the east.

CONNIE

I thought that was New York.

LINDA

They're more like nor'east. We're the Hollywood of the east, they're the Hollywood of the nor'east.

Gordon enters and quickly whispers something to Linda.

LINDA

We don't have the little sandwiches? What do you mean we don't have the little sandwiches? What you mean is you didn't get the little sandwiches, which I asked you to do yesterday.

Gordon steals a quick look at Connie, then back at Linda. Linda sighs. She pulls a credit card from her desk.

LINDA

Gordon. Go to the little sandwich shop and get the little sandwiches. And just forward the calls to my desk while you're gone.

Gordon takes the card and starts to shuffle out. Linda shakes her head.

LINDA
(to Connie)

Sorry about that.

EXT. CITY STREET - DAY

Gordon walks the quaint streets of downtown Orlando, stiff and white-knuckled, on the verge of tears. He starts shrieking like a madman.

EXT. PRODUCTION OFFICE - DUSK

The sun sets, casting a golden glow over the beautiful Orlando office building.

INT. PRIVATE OFFICE - DUSK

Linda finishes tapping out some stuff on her MacBook. She takes a bite from a little sandwich. She talks into her desk phone.

LINDA

Gordon, we're all done for the day, why don't you head on home.

GORDON

(over the phone)

Okay, goodbye.

Linda reflects on Gordon's tone. She gets up and opens the door. Gordon is just gathering his things from the front desk.

LINDA

Everything okay?

GORDON

Yes.

Gordon heads out the door without looking back. Linda walks to her office window, troubled. She looks outside and sees Gordon walking out, the weight of the world on his shoulders.

No, Linda doesn't like this one bit.

EXT. ORLANDO NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT

We see a cute little apartment building on a quiet Orlando street. Linda walks up and examines the windows. She focuses on one where the lights are off, somewhere on the fourth floor. There is no practical access to this window, unless someone were to scale the brick facade.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Gordon is fast asleep in his bedroom, illuminated only by the blue light of his fishtank.

For a moment, we just watch him sleep. Then, at the window, we see a hand press against the pane. The hand pushes the window up. Linda crawls in. She stands and heads over to the bed.

Gordon looks troubled even in slumber. Linda extends her fingertips and presses them to Gordon's brow. She closes her eyes...

INT. FRONT OFFICE - DAY

We're now in Gordon's dream. Gordon is at his usual spot behind the front desk. He's leaning over and chatting up Connie. There's a little flirtation happening.

GORDON

I read every script that comes through this door. And if I like what I see, it goes right to the top of her pile.

CONNIE

That makes me want to have sex with you.

GORDON

In fact, I wrote a script myself. We're probably gonna get that made next year.

Back in Gordon's bedroom, with eyes still closed, Linda's eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

Now back in the dream:

CONNIE

Well that really makes me want to have sex with you. Like, a lot.

Gordon's desk phone rings. He picks up the receiver.

LINDA

(over the phone)

Gordon, send her in now.

Gordon hangs up.

GORDON

Okay, right this way. Don't worry, I'll put in an extra good word.

INT. PRIVATE OFFICE - DAY

We're in Linda's office now, but it's the German Expressionism version. Linda's makeup is more gothic and her outfit is more sexually accentuating, with focus on her cleavage. Connie sits.

LINDA

Gordon, can you bring the little sandwiches?

GORDON

I was gonna get those later because I thought you wanted them for lunch time.

LINDA

Wow, you are the most pathetic little baby in the world. Where's your diaper?

GORDON

I forgot it.

Gordon is now naked.

CONNIE

(giggles)

That's a fail.

LINDA

Here, let me see your penis.

Linda holds out her hand. Gordon walks up and lays his penis in her hand. Linda takes a scissor and cuts Gordon's penis off. She then cuts the penis in half and puts each half inbetween two little slices of bread. She gives one little penis sandwich to Connie and keeps one for herself. They start taking bites.

LINDA

Mmm, your penis tastes good, honey!

GORDON

Mommy, give me my penis back.

LINDA

(finishing her sandwich)

Oh, we can't, honey! We ate it all up!

Gordon shrieks like a baby throwing a tantrum.

LINDA

(licking her fingers)

Sorry, baby!

GORDON

Mommy, you are a cocky poopy!

LINDA

What did you say?

GORDON

I said you're a peepee doody!

Linda gets up.

LINDA

That's it. Mommy has to wash your mouth out with soap.

Linda grabs a slick bar of soap from a bathroom sink that is inexplicably in her office. She slides it very slowly into Gordon's mouth.

LINDA

That's it, honey. Mommy's little baby mustn't swear!

Gordon spits out the soap. He looks at Linda's cleavage.

GORDON

Mommy, I'm hungry!

LINDA

(gasps)

Baby's hungry?

Gordon nods. Linda removes the entire top half of her outfit in one casual motion and holds up one of her breasts.

LINDA

Is this what you want?

GORDON

Yes!

LINDA

I can't give you this. This is for Connie.
(to Connie)
Come here, baby.

Connie jumps into Linda's arms and starts nursing at her breast. Gordon watches, grunting in baby anger.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Linda pulls her fingertips from Gordon's brow. She stumbles back and jostles his nightstand. Something falls and crunches under her shoe.

She picks it up. Gordon's glasses are cracked.

Gordon makes a sound in his sleep. Spooked, Linda puts the glasses back on the nightstand and leaps out the window. A hand reaches back, grips the pane, and slides the window shut.

INT. PRIVATE OFFICE - DAY

Linda is at her desk, tapping keys on her MacBook. Gordon enters, wearing his cracked glasses. He brings over a cardboard tray of Starbucks coffee.

GORDON

Here's this...

Gordon accidentally drops the coffee on the desk. It bursts open and spills all over his pants. He yelps.

GORDON

Fudge!

LINDA

What is wrong, Gordon?

GORDON

Nothing. My stupid glasses broke so I can't see anything!

LINDA

Gordon. Sit down.

Gordon sits.

LINDA

There's something you haven't been telling me. Please just do it. Spit it out before you explode.

Gordon hesitates. He gets up and goes to the front office. He comes back with a screenplay.

LINDA

You wrote this?

GORDON

I thought you could produce it.

Linda holds out her hand. Gordon walks over and places the screenplay in her hand.

GORDON

I'm gonna go get new pants.

Gordon exits. Linda looks down at the cover page of the screenplay. It says JETSKI SUMMER 2000. WRITTEN BY GORDON HUNT.

Linda turns to page one.

MONTAGE: Linda reads the whole script. She has a slight grimace on her face the whole time. She pauses periodically to shake her head and look away in disgust. Finally, she finishes the script and tosses it on the desk. She looks up at her open door.

LINDA

Gordon.

Gordon walks in and sits down.

LINDA

I read your script. And it's... promising... but it's not quite there yet...

Gordon nods silently.

LINDA

But keep working on it! Okay?

GORDON

Do you have any notes?

Linda reaches over and flips through it.

LINDA

You know... just in general, trim some of the fat... and I guess go to a public place and try to listen to how people talk...

GORDON

Was it funny?

Linda nods tentatively, mystified by the question.

GORDON

Can you think of any actors who would be good for it?

LINDA

You know what, let me think about that one. But right now I have to prep for today's meeting. Okay?

Gordon gets up.

GORDON

Okay, thanks.

Linda holds out the screenplay for him to take. He was about to walk out, but he stops, takes back the screenplay, then leaves.

LINDA

And Gordon?

Gordon pokes his head back in.

LINDA

The little sandwiches.

Gordon sadly nods and walks off.

THE END.

the five obstructions for this script were:

1. from jandro:

has to have a dream sequence

2. from robert:

cannot take place in LA county or its bordering surrounding counties

3. from carl:

dick got cut off

4. from chris:

broken glasses

5. from ayaka:

no cursing